Dear Stuart,
Paul killed many Christians, but the Lord Jesus made him one of the chief apostles among them all. Of course, you've not killed anyone. So you still have plenty chances to learn what the truth is before you croak. It's by your love, that will measure your works. How much love you have for others inside and how much you are loved. Those are two important things. How much you love another though is probably the most important thing. I can feel what you are going through, Stu, and still love you regardless of it. Love is a Strong Feeling. Surely you know what it is. Open up that heart of yours and you are halfway to heaven already. C what u can do!!
God Be Between You and Me For Now,
Michael