Granite--try reading "God in the Dock" by C.S. Lewis. it is a small book, but seems right for your present mindset, and it is a heavy duty mind wrestle. Hang in there , friend!!
Always remember that if we set our eyes on others, they will sooner or later disappoint us. That is one reason the apostle Paul said, "we preach not ourselves, but the Lord Jesus Christ."
The apostle spoke cautiously in that regard. Even Paul the apostle would not say "follow me," but said instead, "follow me AS I FOLLOW CHRIST." And John said, "if we say that we have no sin, the truth is not in us."
So when this weary world gets the best of you, reflect on Christ and the ways He is so much better than WE are.