You don't have to mock me. I am mostly just like everyone else except I had a spiritual awakening. I tried to throw myself into what I took to be hell but I got heaven instead. You should try it. Even if you fail 100 times. Pluck out your eye if you have to. Cut off your hand. Literally turn your back on everything you think you know. Give up your relationships with your loved ones, cut your ties with your religion, treat your body and mind as if they will do you no good anymore, place yourself far away from society and civilization often and for extended periods, choose to bypass dependence on thoughts and beliefs, obliterate your need to be swept away by the compulsion to avoid utter despair and hopelessness, feel all your feelings of worthlessness in their entirety, dwell in all the slowly accumulated shame and guilt that you have swept under the rug in your lifetime, feel all the lifelong cumulative stress and strain that is in your body, consider how your DNA has been affected by civilizations from the past, for example how ingrained survival of the fittest is embedded in your mentality and how that translates to your actions now, do a mental check of how identifying with traditions and cultures have been passed down and how we assume certain beliefs through unconscious peer pressure, realize how much pride we have in being able to live up to rules and standards and how our investing so much in our identity could be problematic when we are forced to give that identity up as a false notion, become aware of how you have adopted the roles of parent and child from your parents and how that affects what you do and don't do, see all the ways you have decided to make an identity for yourself and how society urges you to uphold that identity at all costs, ask yourself who you really are over and over again and don't ever stop questioning it, find out what it would be like to be dead, think about how much time and energy you give to strengthening this identity of who you take yourself to be, quit trying to cover up weak spots and resisting and denying any and all vulnerability, contemplate death and be ready to face extinction and annihilation at any time, jump into stillness and silence and make them the loves of you're life, notice all the ways you attempt to extract the feeling of being good enough through accomplishments, admit to the ugly and not so ugly unconscious thoughts in your mind, turn to the dark side and fester in the agony of knowing that you hate parts of yourself, examine the self-hatred and the violence around it, know that there is tremendous pain under the self-hatred, witness how we judge ourselves for not really knowing how to deal with the pain and just conveniently acting like it's taken away by belief in Jesus for example, view the tendency to judge ourselves for judging ourselves, embrace your imperfections, confess your misery, throw yourself into what you think is hell multiple multiple multiple times without faking it or doing it only half-heartedly, deeply understand your identity and personality and what is trying to do and why. Keep knocking on the door without ceasing until it completely takes over and consumes your life and you might just get a nibble into realizing what is true by looking deeply into what is false. I guarantee that nibble is worth more than anything the human mind can come up with on it's own. One dip of the finger in the soul and you will be transformed forever. If you can just touch the fringe of its robe.
