I can't see that big.
One thing I know, is that in searching the various presentations of religions and philosophies being offered, there was one which I could not tolerate....the message of the cross.
I thought it was stupid and 'Christians' were settling for a psychological crutch to avoid reality. It was the last thing I wanted.
After years of psychotropics, meditations, yoga and the like.....one night high on fresh peyote cactus, I turned to a blank wall and said, "Jesus, if you're real, if you're really there, if you're who 'Christians' have claimed you are, if you are who you claim to be in the Bible, then please help me." I went to sleep with that request.
A day or so later, my wife asked me to read 1 Corinthians 1 and 2.
I did, and I found the words of Paul which placed me in a deep quandary. He said, in so many words, that by man's wisdom GOD could not be known, that the natural man could not receive the things of the Spirit of GOD, that the preaching of the cross, to them that are perishing, is foolishness, but was in reality the power and salvation of GOD. I had considered it foolishness, but suddenly a thought began to grow in my mind.....'Maybe I'm the fool', maybe I've got all of this upside down, maybe there's something I can't see because I'm blocked from it."
Some days later, I had the impulse to go to a local church that a neighbor of mine attended.
No one knew I was coming, only two people there even knew me and no one knew what I had been struggling with in my mind.
A missionary preacher was there preaching for that one morning.
He preached 1Co 1 and 2. He had no idea I was there, but the words he spoke were directly to me. There is no doubt in my mind about this.
I had sincerely put forth the questions to this 'Jesus' in the aloneness of the night. He was now talking to me directly. I received Him as my Savior and I tangibly felt the load of my guilt/sin debt lifted from me.
He has made Himself real to me for thirty-five years, now.
That was my choice. I've never regretted making it.
GOD has made Him to be sin, who knew no sin, so that we could be made the righteousness of GOD in Him.