As most of you know, I've been with TOL since before my husband passed away in January of 1999. Before Steve died, I considered myself strong in my faith. I wasn't as strong as I thought. I blamed God for Steve dying. He was a 39 year old man who died instantly from a massive stroke. He was part of my reason for living. At his funeral, a lot of people came up to me telling me that God must have a really huge plan for me because, 30 years old, I had gone through so much. All those words did for me was to make me question my faith more and more. I didn't want to believe in a God who would take everything from me just because he "had a plan for my life." I thought about all of that for two years and came on the verge of giving up my Christian faith because of it. Like so many people, I could easily blame my failing faith on what others said or did to me. All they did was make me question more and more why I believed in such a God.
Then, I went to visit my brother. My brother was a youth pastor at the time. He told me that I needed to open my eyes and realize that God doesn't cause everything to happen. But, He will use everything that happens to test and/or strengthen His children. Except for TOL, I had never heard that before. When I got home from visiting my brother, my dear friends on TOL started telling me the same thing my brother did. The difference was, this time, I chose to pay attention to what they said to me. Within two weeks, I decided to rededicate myself to God and to look at what I was going through as more of a test than as someone I loved being taken away from me.
Now, sixteen (almost seventeen) years later, I can honestly say that my faith in God is stronger than it ever has been. I have come to realize that what my brother told me was true. I have also come to realize that my faith is my own. No one can cause me to stumble or fall by what they say or do to me. Some people can cause me to question my faith. But, what I do after that is my responsibility. And, I cannot with all honesty blame others for the things I choose to do with my life.
Beautiful testimony, you are a very strong woman and praise the Lord for putting people into your path to help you in that devastating time of need.
When my son was murdered, in my flesh it was tempting to blame Him, too. It would have been really easy in all the grief but I know that God is not who made the one who murdered him, choose to do so.
You are so right that people and events can cause us to question what we think and believe but the ultimate responsibility for seeking out the truth of a matter, is ours.
God bless you so much for sharing that.