Children have all sorts of rights and the same essential rights as an adult, but recognizing their experiential lack and the ongoing development of the organ responsible for sound decisions, we govern their exercising of rights and deny them full access to that exercise until we're reasonably sure they're capable of bearing the responsibility for their actions soundly.Children don't have rights, they have permission
I don't believe it's good manners for children to scold adults for any reason. But scolding is typically a thing done in anger and from some personal sense of authority. That wouldn't be an apt description of my son's contribution, though it comes closer to my response regarding the smoking woman's subsequent behavior.and I don't grant my kids permission to scold adults for light errors.
Jack told me that he had a friend who used a word I don't even believe adults should find in their mouths. He said that he then told his teacher. I said to him, "If you want to be a better friend, tell your friend first and try to influence his behavior. I know how all of you (kids) are about telling on one another, but do you think that when you do that first you're giving your friend the chance to do better? And shouldn't that be your first concern? Do you think you're telling your friend that you care about them by going straight to authority?"Not only that, I don't permit them to say anything at all about light errors, to anyone, not even to their peers---that's their peers' parents' job, not my kids.'
I don't have a problem with bringing authority into the mix when the person in need of discipline refuses to discipline themselves, but otherwise I think we need to align our actions with concern first, and personal offense second. That was part of the problem in Jack's well-intentioned remark about smoking. It put the offense first and concern second when you consider the probable responses to it. His inability to understand that, mostly a matter of a lack of experience, is one reason for him to come to me and to let me address it. Among peers he has a better understanding, though even that was in need of some guidance.
I was given instruction in both morals and manners by my family. In our household my son's actions would have been seen as a failure on the second part, abrogated somewhat by an intention in line with correct consideration on the first part. Or, it is sinful to smoke. It is sinful to harm your child. It is poor manners to tell someone how they ought to behave if they are within their rights. The woman Jack spoke to was doing both of the former, willfully. She compounded her error subsequently, as moral actions go. But as a social convention, Jack should have brought the matter to me to deal with and he understands that now. And because he didn't he encouraged, however inadvertently, a compounding of her error, a thing no longer lost on my son.There's much to gain from teaching your children to avoid light errors though. "Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it." You yourself are testament to this proverb, Town. It's a light error to be sloppy about details, and about thinking, but you were trained up as a child to avoid this light error, and as far as I can tell, with you being an an officer of the court and all, which wouldn't be possible had you been a practitioner of the light error of sloppy and un-detailed thinking, it is serving you very well.
It's easy to encourage stumbling, especially among those whose inclination or maturity is suspect. It's much harder to appeal to a better angel. This is frequently true in debate. I try to focus on issues and use humor to soften the blow of difference, but even then the invitation to conflict and poorer behavior, both in myself and others, makes it a practice fraught with pitfalls at best.