Nobody said you couldn't but since when did that give you the right to be so arrogantly presumptive about another persons beliefs simply because you haven't read some 'personal testimony' or some such? I confessed and repented a long time ago and that would count as being 'saved' for many just on this board no matter what's happened since, and I won't pretend I've led a guilt free life since that point or that my beliefs haven't changed in regards to 'dogma' in the meantime. I don't hold with a lot of 'traditional' theology so there ya go.
Seems to me, from your statement here, that you have grown a lot. Congrats! It's not an easy thing to do when considering the 'crab bucket phenomena'.
God Bless You.
Merry Christmas!