does it have to do with me trying to reason with a retard?
I'm really not sure where you are coming from.
Do we agree, or not, that in terms of the methods of people who do historical research, it is not reasonable to claim to know what Jesus said or did? The gospel stories are palpably made up. I think the best argument for the existence of this particular Jesus is that there is so much in gospel accounts that is historically incorrect: these ancient Jews wrote down what they thought must have been true about Jesus, based on the prophecies that needed fulfillment, in the context of the political hotbed of Roman-occupied ancient Palestine. If there hadn't been a real person then they would not have had to rewrite history, they could just have written historical fiction.
The time of the Census of Quirinus and the time of Herod are not compatible. The idea of citizens having to return to their homelands for a census is invented, and of course it is invented so a prophecy can be fulfilled.
You (mockingly?) say that someone could have been there to write it down. Have you thought about this idea skeptically? We do not have any writing of anyone who was an eyewitness of Jesus.
Of have I misinterpreted your cryptic comment?
Stuart