To add an element of complexity to this it is self evident to me that violence becomes abuse when the person committing violence is in a position of significant greater strength or power than the victim.
On average this means there is a difference in men hitting women than women hitting men.
It's certainly not self-evident to me.
1. Is someone of significantly lesser strength or power incapable of assaulting someone of significantly greater strength or power?
2. According to you, every act of violence committed by the State, as are most acts of war which most people would consider legitimate, are abuses.
An act of violence is an abuse if and only if the act of violence constitutes an injustice. This could be for the following reasons: 1. the person committing the act of violence did not have the authority to commit it or 2. the person committing the act of violence did not have just cause to commit it.
Whether or not there's a disparity in strength or power is utterly irrelevant.