The other day my brother-in-law was visiting. He had been to a Mighty Man conference where men are taught to take charge of their households for Christ. 180 000 men [only] drive long distances to camp out in the sticks, to hear the main speaker exhort them every day to be men. Then, when he is finished, they break into small groups where they pray for each other and…(my mind was wandering at this stage).
He then went on to describe the long-drop toilets sitting under the baking sun. These consist of a honeycomb of dank holes covered with plastic lids, and surrounded by see-through hessian for privacy. He said these conditions forced him to drive miles to the nearest town every time he needed to do a 2.
I was shocked. I was horrified. I was indignant. I would have taken a swallow dive into those toilets with my mouth wide open rather than to have to endure sitting in small groups with men, to mentor them, to cry at their stories, to discuss their and my family problems, to hug them, to console them and to do all these "sissy" things. I thought this was a Mighty Man conference he went to, not a cryathon.
Because I like to stir, I asked my wife, who was listening, if she would want me going to the next Mighty Man conference. My son rolled his eyes like Dad was being a plonker again, and my wife gave me that withering look of "Yes Mr Big Mouth in company, but wait till we are alone". I duly shut up, knowing I was pushing my luck.
What are the Christian roles of man and woman, husband and wife?
Let's read Paul, ignoring the fact that a man is about to tell all women, how to be real women. I am fascinated Paul. Please tell me about your ideal Christian woman.
"The natural use of the woman," is sex. That is what women are useful for. (Rom 1:27)
"It is good for a man not to touch a woman." (1 Cor 7:1). The best state for men is to squash their interest in women, eschew sex, and become good Catholic priests.
"Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband." (1 Cor 7:2). For you compromising, Christian weaklings, get married then.
"For I would that all men were even as I myself." (1 Cor 7:7) The gold standard is to stay single.
"But and if thou marry, thou hast not sinned;" Thanks Paul, I feel so much better now.
"the head of the woman is the man" (1 Cor 11:3) Great, I get to be the brains of the outfit. Does that put me above all women, or just my wife?
"but the woman is the glory of the man." (1 Cor 11:7) Being a trophy wife is biblical.
"Neither was the man created for the woman; but the woman for the man." (1 Cor 11:9) That should make you women feel so special, that you were made for us.
"Let the woman learn in silence with all subjection." (1 Tim 2:11) Women were made to be seen, not heard.
"But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence." (1 Tim 2:12). Uppity women are anathema.
"And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived was in the transgression." (1 Tim 2:14) So being spineless is better than being duped.
1 Tim 5
11 But the younger widows refuse: for when they have begun to wax wanton against Christ, they will marry;
12 Having damnation, because they have cast off their first faith.
13 And withal they learn to be idle, wandering about from house to house; and not only idle, but tattlers also and busybodies, speaking things which they ought not.
The above is a list of names Paul calls young Christian widows - "wanton..having damnation…cast off the first faith…idle…tattlers, busybodies".
The cure for these young ladies having all this time to get together and chat, is, they should rather revert to the "natural use of a woman" which is to remarry, have sex, have babies i.e. do something useful.
"I will therefore that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house," (1 Tim 5:14) And the only good place for a woman, is at home, preferably barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen.
You don't believe me?
"keepers at home" (Titus 2:5) That's your place woman.
How should women dress?
"… that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety; not with broided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array;" (1 Tim 2:9) So women who go to hairdressers are doing so against Paul's considered advice, the little Jezebels.
As is wearing jewellery, or even a Donatella Versace evening gown.
And to go with their drab appearance they should adopt a "shamefaced" demeanour. Don't just stand there woman, assume an ashamed pose. You must have done something to be ashamed of, even if it is just looking attractive.
Just being your gorgeous selves naturally leads us weak-willed men astray. And God forbid you wear a bikini on the beach.
Thank you for your replies in anticipation. I know you will confine these to addressing the scriptures I quoted, rather than shooting the messenger.
