The Pentagon is changing the nuclear codes to over 140 characters, …
so Trump can’t tweet it.
so Trump can’t tweet it.
Heard any good jokes, lately?
- Thread starter The Barbarian
- Start date
Why are Trump’s ties so long?
Because they go all the way to Russia.
Because they go all the way to Russia.
Trump said in his campaign that if I voted for Clinton, I would be stuck with a criminal president under constant federal investigation from day one.
Turns out, he was right.
I voted for Clinton and I'm stuck with a criminal president under federal investigation from day one.
Turns out, he was right.
I voted for Clinton and I'm stuck with a criminal president under federal investigation from day one.
What does the Trump administration use instead of emails?
Alternative fax.
Alternative fax.
A man died one day and went to heaven. As he stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him.
He asked, "What are all those clocks?"
St. Peter replied, "Those are lie clocks. Everyone on earth has a lie-clock. Every time you lie the hands on the clock will move."
"Oh," said the man as he pointed at one of them, "Whose clock is that?"
St. Peter replied, "That's Mother Teresa's. The hands have never moved, indicating that she never told a lie."
"That's incredible, " said the man.
St. Peter pointed to another clock, "That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have moved twice, telling us that Abe only told two lies in his entire life."
The man was impressed, and then asked, "Where's Donald Trump's clock?"
St. Peter said, "His clock is in Jesus' office. He's using it as a ceiling fan."
He asked, "What are all those clocks?"
St. Peter replied, "Those are lie clocks. Everyone on earth has a lie-clock. Every time you lie the hands on the clock will move."
"Oh," said the man as he pointed at one of them, "Whose clock is that?"
St. Peter replied, "That's Mother Teresa's. The hands have never moved, indicating that she never told a lie."
"That's incredible, " said the man.
St. Peter pointed to another clock, "That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have moved twice, telling us that Abe only told two lies in his entire life."
The man was impressed, and then asked, "Where's Donald Trump's clock?"
St. Peter said, "His clock is in Jesus' office. He's using it as a ceiling fan."
What's the difference between Russia and reality?
Trump had connections with Russia.
Trump had connections with Russia.
Obama, Hillary Clinton and Trump are standing at the throne of heaven. God looks at them and says, "Before granting you a place at my side, I must ask you what you have learned and what you believe in."
God asks Obama first: "What do you believe?"
Obama thinks long and hard, looks God straight in the eye, and says, "I believe in hard work, and in staying true to family and friends. I believe in giving. I was lucky, but I always tried to do right by my countrymen."
God can't help but see the essential goodness of Obama, and offers him a seat to his left.
Then God turns to Clinton and says, "And what do you believe?"
Clinton ponders for a while and then says, "I believe passion, discipline, courage and honor are the fundamentals of life. Like Obama I believe in hard work. I, too, have been lucky, but win or lose, I've always tried to be a true patriot and a loyal American."
God is greatly moved by Clinton's eloquence, and he offers her a seat to his right.
Finally, God turns to Trump and says, "And you, Donald, what do you believe?"
Trump replies, "I believe you're in my seat."
God asks Obama first: "What do you believe?"
Obama thinks long and hard, looks God straight in the eye, and says, "I believe in hard work, and in staying true to family and friends. I believe in giving. I was lucky, but I always tried to do right by my countrymen."
God can't help but see the essential goodness of Obama, and offers him a seat to his left.
Then God turns to Clinton and says, "And what do you believe?"
Clinton ponders for a while and then says, "I believe passion, discipline, courage and honor are the fundamentals of life. Like Obama I believe in hard work. I, too, have been lucky, but win or lose, I've always tried to be a true patriot and a loyal American."
God is greatly moved by Clinton's eloquence, and he offers her a seat to his right.
Finally, God turns to Trump and says, "And you, Donald, what do you believe?"
Trump replies, "I believe you're in my seat."
jsanford108
New member
What is the difference between a moderate practicing Muslim and Bigfoot?
Bigfoot has been spotted.
Sent from my iPhone using TOL
Bigfoot has been spotted.
Sent from my iPhone using TOL
jsanford108
New member
What is the difference between Obama and Antifa?
Antifa was banned for being domestic terrorists.
Sent from my iPhone using TOL
Antifa was banned for being domestic terrorists.
Sent from my iPhone using TOL
jsanford108
New member
Honestly, Barbarian, I thought your joke about Obama, Clinton, and Trump making it to heaven was funny.
Sent from my iPhone using TOL
Sent from my iPhone using TOL
[FONT="]
[/FONT]
Q: What do you call a Democrat with an IQ of 130?
A: A foursome
A: A foursome
[/FONT]
[FONT="]
[/FONT]
Q: What’s five miles long and has an IQ of forty?
A: A Democrat parade.
A: A Democrat parade.
[/FONT]
[FONT="]
[/FONT]
Q: Why don’t they let Liberals swim in the ocean?
A: Because they can’t get the smell out of the tuna.
A: Because they can’t get the smell out of the tuna.
[/FONT]
[FONT="]Q: What do you get when you cross a pilgrim with a democrat? A: A god-fearing tax collector who gives thanks for what other people have.[/FONT]
Now that is a funny one!
I don't care who you are.
jsanford108
New member
I somehow missed that one. Thanks for pointing it out. It is quite humorous.
Sent from my iPhone using TOL
Arthur Brain
Well-known member
:rotfl:
Q: What do you call an Englishman in the knockout stages of the World Cup?
A: A Referee
A: A Referee
Arthur Brain
Well-known member
USA is out this time, I think. At least you've won before, right?