Courtship vs. Dating

ebenz47037

Proverbs 31:10
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We've been seeing the terms "courtship" and "dating" tossed around a little bit lately. I figured that I would start a thread and give my two cents on the subject. :)

To me, the main difference between courtship and dating is that courtship is more geared to future marriage while dating is pretty much done for fun.

Courtship is more formal. In other words, the couple doesn't put themselves in a situation where trouble might come up. They are never alone together.

Couples who date, as opposed to court, each other tend to put themselves in situations where things that shouldn't happen outside of marriage are more likely to occur.

That being said, I believe in courting. I would rather be courted by a man with the purpose of his courtship being eventual marriage. In courtship, the couple are more prone to respect the other's feelings and beliefs.

I will tell you about my late husband's courting of myself.

We met when my daughter was about three years old. My ex-husband (who left me for another woman) was fighting for custody of my daughter. Steve gave me a ride 600 miles to go to court. Yes, we were alone in the car there and back. But, at that time, neither of us had anything but the trip on our minds. One week later, Steve called my house and asked if he could take my daughter and I to a movie and dinner. I said yes. We went to the movie, sat my daughter between us. When we went to dinner, we went to a "family-type" restaurant and again my daughter sat between us. We were not alone at all during that "date." I respected him for that. It was the first time I had ever been on a date like that and I was 23 years old.

One week later, Steve called and asked if my daughter and I would go to the park and have a picnic with him. I said yes. He told me not to worry about providing anything. He asked me out, so he would make sure that everything was taken care of. He picked us up and we went to the park. He had bought a chicken dinner from KFC (he said he couldn't cook). We talked and ate leisurely. He took my daughter to the swings and pushed her on one. He looked like he was having a blast with her. That went a long way in my eyes. On the way back to my house, my daughter fell asleep, so Steve decided to talk seriously to me. He told me that he had decided that I was the woman he wanted to marry. Never being through a courtship before, I told him he was nuts. :)

Well, for the next six months, we went on "family dates," visitted nursing homes together, went to church together, and visitted my mother. He asked my mother if he could marry me before he technically proposed to me. :) We ended up getting married barely more than six months after we met. But, Steve and I never argued about anything (believe it or not). We pretty much agreed on everything. And, what we didn't agree on, I deferred to him because I believe that the husband is the head of the household.

Steve died of a stroke when I was 30 years old. He was 39. I miss him terribly. But, because of him, I know that I'm worth enough for a man to have to work a little for my affection. And, I'm teaching my daughter the same thing about herself. I want her to know that she's worth having a man put effort into having her as a wife.

And, that, my friends, is the big difference between courtship and dating. With courtship, a man proves that the woman he's courting is worth his effort. With dating, all he's doing is having fun.
 

frugalmom

Night Elf
I totally agree that courting is better than dating. I must admit that at first it did seem strange to hear people prefer courting over dating - I'm talking about many years ago when the subject came up. Courting was a foreign idea to me, since everyone I knew "dated". But after I thought about it, I decided long ago that courting is the way to go. :thumb:
 

LightSon

New member
Dating? Courting?

Like anything else, these terms increase in value as the speaker and listener have a common understanding of what they mean.

My oldest daughter is 16 and hasn't expressed an interest in boys, per se. If a young man was interested in her and does not want to court her, that is fine. He may come to the house and visit her. He may talk to her in church, or maybe even call her on the phone.

He will not be driving her around alone in his automobile. In short, she won't be allowed to be alone with a male until she is married. Not if I have anything to say about it. Am I too strict? I know what goes through young boy's minds, cause I used to be one.
:shocked:
 

Zimfan

New member
Re: Courtship vs. Dating

It's always seemed to me that people who court women make the decision to try to marry them before they know them well. I find it hard to get to know someone when there is a group of people around. Then again, perhaps I'm projecting. The more people are around, the less depth there is to what I'm willing to share, so I may be seeing that in other people when it isn't there.
One thing I do know, though. If I had a child and didn't trust a person to be alone with my kid, I wouldn't want that person courting OR dating my kid.
 

ebenz47037

Proverbs 31:10
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Originally posted by LightSon
Dating? Courting?

Like anything else, these terms increase in value as the speaker and listener have a common understanding of what they mean.

My oldest daughter is 16 and hasn't expressed an interest in boys, per se. If a young man was interested in her and does not want to court her, that is fine. He may come to the house and visit her. He may talk to her in church, or maybe even call her on the phone.

He will not be driving her around alone in his automobile. In short, she won't be allowed to be alone with a male until she is married. Not if I have anything to say about it. Am I too strict? I know what goes through young boy's minds, cause I used to be one.
:shocked:

LightSon,

You sound so much like my late husband. :) He told me when my daughter was eight years old that when my daughter started dating or courting, he would be sitting outside the front door, cleaning his gun when her date brought her home.

Now, I've decided basically the same thing you have. When my daughter's old enough to get serious about boys, she will not go on a date alone with any male at all.

:thumb:
 

LightSon

New member
Originally posted by ebenz47037
LightSon,

You sound so much like my late husband. :)

Thank you! What a nice thing to say. :cloud9:


Sunday go-to-meetin' tomorrow. I'm off to bed. :wave:
 

ShadowMaid

New member
Originally posted by Zimfan
It's always seemed to me that people who court women make the decision to try to marry them before they know them well.

Did you know that if you're alone with a girl, she will naturally lie to you to make herself look better? It's just human nature, she can't help it. That will get dangerous for the future.
 

Turbo

Caped Crusader
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Originally posted by ShadowMaid
Did you know that if you're alone with a girl, she will naturally lie to you to make herself look better?
Sibbie must lie to me an awful lot then. No wonder she looks so good. :)
 

ShadowMaid

New member
Originally posted by Turbo
Sibbie must lie to me an awful lot then. No wonder she looks so good. :)

If a man and woman get married and are good people, they can make their marrige work despite all the previous lies while dating.
 

taoist

New member
ShadowMaid;
Did you know that if you're alone with a girl, she will naturally lie to you to make herself look better?

taoist;
Yeah, but it's a good thing they always give themselves away. Just watch for their lips to start moving. When they stop, you know they're done lying.
 

Zimfan

New member
Originally posted by ShadowMaid
Did you know that if you're alone with a girl, she will naturally lie to you to make herself look better? It's just human nature, she can't help it. That will get dangerous for the future.

And, of course, when around people they know both men and women will naturally lie so as not to reveal anything that could change the opinions of those friends and family around in a negative way. It's human nature. I find it easier to tell if someone's lying just to look better to me that to look better to any of a group of people about whom I know very little.
 

Zimfan

New member
Originally posted by taoist
ShadowMaid;
Did you know that if you're alone with a girl, she will naturally lie to you to make herself look better?

taoist;
Yeah, but it's a good thing they always give themselves away. Just watch for their lips to start moving. When they stop, you know they're done lying.

:chuckle: Are you a masochist, Taoist?
 

taoist

New member
Yeah, but I notice you're not jumping in to disagree. Besides, who really wants their girlfriend to tell them the truth? And what girlfriend wants to hear the truth in return?

No, no, no, youngster, repeat after me while looking in the mirror to make sure you can say it with a straight face.

"Honey, have you lost weight?"

"Wow, that dress looks terrific."

"Great shoes!"

Okay, you're all set. Truth telling is way overrated in relationships. Flattery is a much better policy.
 

Zimfan

New member
Originally posted by taoist
Yeah, but I notice you're not jumping in to disagree. Besides, who really wants their girlfriend to tell them the truth? And what girlfriend wants to hear the truth in return?

No, no, no, youngster, repeat after me while looking in the mirror to make sure you can say it with a straight face.

"Honey, have you lost weight?"

"Wow, that dress looks terrific."

"Great shoes!"

Okay, you're all set. Truth telling is way overrated in relationships. Flattery is a much better policy.

heheh, I might avoid that first one. Unless she's trying to lose weight you'd probably get in trouble for implying that she had any excess to lose. As to not jumping in to disagree, I've learned that when you will not lie and telling the truth could get you in trouble the best thing to say is :shut: .

Seriously, though, most of the Christian girls I've met I've never caught in a lie, except for a few made in an attempt not to hurt someone's feelings. Most of the non-christian girls I've met lie through their teeth.
 
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taoist

New member
Us old-timers call that gullibility, youngster. They all lie, bless 'em. You think I'll ever disagree with a girl who tells me my gray temples look handsome? I don't think so.

If you avoid any of those, don't let it be the first. You're trying to use logic on a relationship with a woman. Bad boy! That's silly, and only your youth and inexperience gets you a pass.

At least once a month (if you know what I mean) they all feel fat, especially the skinny ones (go figure). A suggestion that they've lost weight will always be appreciated and will always be believed and is guaranteed to turn the discussion away from why you'd rather watch football. Do not wait for them to ask if they look fat. They always will, just assume it. Pre-emption, my boy, pre-emption.

(But practice in front of the mirror anyway.)
 

Turbo

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Originally posted by ShadowMaid
If a man and woman get married and are good people, they can make their marrige work despite all the previous lies while dating.
True, but I was just making a joke. Maybe you didn't get it.

Oh well. :(
 
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