ARCHIVE: Danger, Public School Ahead (Written April 24, 1999)

Prisca

Pain Killer
Super Moderator
Article to Theologyonline.com following the Columbine Shooting.
Written and originally posted April 24, 1999
By Becky

Several years ago, when my oldest daughter was just learning how to ride a bike, a frightening and unusual accident was prevented by the quick action of her father. As she was struggling to peddle and steer the bike, a driverless car rolled slowly down the street directly toward her. Imagine her surprise when she glanced up to see this empty car, gaining speed as it came down the hill, headed straight for her. Fortunately, her father saw what was about to take place and rushed forward in time to push her to safety. Afterward, while our hearts were still pounding, the inevitable "what if" questions came to mind: "What if he hadn't been close enough to save her," "What if he hadn't been outside with her". But most of all, we were relieved that she was safe and had lived to ride again.

Tuesday afternoon, we had a similar experience. After returning from a weekend trip in the mountains, we were puzzled by phone messages from relatives who had called to see if we were okay. Then there was a message from my husband's lieutenant telling him to be prepared to assist in an emergency situation (he's a local deputy sheriff). We had no idea what was going on, so we turned on the news. Reports were coming in that an area high school was under attack. We listened in shock when we heard that it was Columbine High School. We live less than two miles away from that school.

A frightening realization set in. My daughter, who is now 16 and a junior, would have been in that school if it hadn't been for a decision we had made five years ago. When she was about to enter the seventh grade, we decided that public school was no longer a safe environment for her or her siblings. We pulled them all out of public school and began homeschooling them. We had many reasons for doing this, but school violence was one of the main reasons (we were not Christians at the time).

As the terrible details began to unfold, I went to my daughter and hugged her as though I would never let go. I felt as though she had barely escaped this tragedy. Why? Because so many times, when I first began homeschooling, I had thought maybe I was overreacting. So many times I had been ridiculed for my decision. So many times I had doubted my ability to teach her and had considered sending her back to school. Now, I can't help but to ask, "What if I had given in to my reservations?" "What if I had given in to social pressure?" "What if I had given in to self doubt?"

Over the years, it has become increasingly clear that we made the right decision. Now it is painfully clear. My entire community is filled with grief and despair over this tragedy. My heart goes out to all those parents who are on the other side of these "what if" questions. The public school system reminds me of that driverless car, hurtling out of control. For most parents, there is still time. It is not to late to push your kids out of its path before they, too, become its victims.
 

Prisca

Pain Killer
Super Moderator
Thanks Knight!

I’ll admit I was very emotional at the time that I wrote the article. It is hard to put into words how you feel when you discover that you have just escaped one of your worst nightmares.

The truth is, though, there have been so many positive outcomes from our original decision to homeschool that even I probably don’t realize what some of them are. Our children have been spared the exposure to drug abuse, under-age drinking, smoking, pregnancy, profanity, etc., etc.

I’m so proud of my kids, and so close to them. There was a time when I began to feel estranged from my oldest daughter. It seemed as though we clashed with one another nearly every day. Shortly after I began homeschooling her, I began to notice that things were changing. One day, while standing in line at Burger King, I noticed she was looking at me with a beautiful smile on her face. Suddenly she said to me, “Mom, you’re the greatest person I know.” I can’t begin to describe what that felt like!

It has not always been easy, it has not always been fun – but I wouldn’t have had it any other way. There is no way to measure the long-term advantages my children have gained by being at home with each other and with us.

In Christ,
Becky
 

Nathon Detroit

LIFETIME MEMBER
LIFETIME MEMBER
Becky writes…
Our children have been spared the exposure to drug abuse, under-age drinking, smoking, pregnancy, profanity, etc., etc.
You mean you are going to let your children miss out on all those great social skills????

You continue…
One day, while standing in line at Burger King, I noticed she was looking at me with a beautiful smile on her face. Suddenly she said to me, “Mom, you’re the greatest person I know.”
I thought you said your kids were smart? ;)

Just kidding!

Actually you are one of the greatest persons I know as well!
 

Prisca

Pain Killer
Super Moderator
Knight

Knight

You said, "You mean you are going to let your children miss out on all those great social skills???"
I can't tell you how many people have given us a hard time about the social issues. Usually they bring up Prom Night. I just have to laugh, because even though I did attend public school, I never went to Prom. Not once have ever I felt as though I “missed out on something”.
You said “I thought you said your kids were smart?”
laff.gif

Very funny! When did I ever say they were smart?
 

Nineveh

Merely Christian
Thank you for opening this thread Becky :)

I have pondered home schooling for my future kid(s) ever since I was serving my 12 year sentance in pullik skool (and I never miss not going to prom either :) ). Unfortunatly I caved and send her to a Christian School. Where by the age of 7 she has learned about Mardi Gras, Candlemas, and Diwali.

To me, "socialization skills" were about the only arguement against homeschooling that held any merit to me. But, it is obvious to me, pullik skool is *not* the place, (and I am beginging to understand the same holds true for the private Christian school my daughter attends), to learn: respect, kindness, helpfulness, or develop a good attitude.

Since this is something you do successfully, could you please point me to some resources I might use to get me on the road to homeschooling our Blessing?

Good point beanie, I wonder how many of those postal workers who murder are pullik skool grads? You know, I would love to see some stats about the backgrounds of criminal's educational type. I certainly wouldn't take my daughter to get stamps at the post office if as many kids were losing their lives as at pullik skools.
 

beanieboy

New member
ninevah - I think you missed my point because of your personal beef against public schools. My point was, if you want to insulate your child from everything, you might as well lock them up in a tower. I was exposed to drug abuse, alcoholism, teen pregnancy, etc., in public school, but I learned vicariously what not to do. I was exposed to things, and made decisions, seeing the results of those who chose to do them.

I went to a private school the first 2 years of college, and then to a state U my last years. The state U was much better in terms of education and atmosphere, and prepared me much better for adult life.

I think a lot of it is personal opinion, and your personal experience. I had a good public school education. Many of the teachers changed my life. We didn't wear school uniforms, and some people were popular because they wore expensive clothes. A lot like people wearing Armani suits now. There was a division between the classes, rich and poor, just as there is now. There was cruelty among popular and unpopular, the same as I see now. And as awful as that sounds, I learned how to deal with it, and it made my life better. And no one was ever shot.
 

Nineveh

Merely Christian
I went to 2 pullik skools. One was a AirforceBrat/Farmer pullik skool (talk about colliding classes), and the other was a city pullik skool. Both stank. I learned the most important lesson in my life at pullik skool, that being: Peer Pressure only exists *inside* of that Godless institution. No one was ever shot in the skools I attended either, does that mean I should take that chance with my daughter? Becky could have, thank Jesus she didn't :)

So you understand that bullies are bullies no matter what. Why do you think it has gotten worse instead of better, even with all the millions of dollars and "be nice" programs dumped into it?
 

beanieboy

New member
I saw the same thing in church.

In public school, i learned to take a concept, and then try to apply it in other ways.

In church, there were wealthy people who showed up in name brand clothes. They had that nose-in-the-air attitude, walking in, and i once overheard a woman talking smack about the family that sat near the back in their jeans. I think god cares more that you are there, and what's in your heart, that what's on your body. That family was much poorer than those they ridiculed.

I see it everywhere. As I said, I learned from it.
I'm sorry your experience was bad, ninevah, but I don't think that makes all public schools bad. My was challenging, and i learned a lot about myself and other people.

Violence happens everywhere. Should you allow your child to go to McDonalds? Do you remember the guy that opened fire there? Or allow your child to go on an airplane, for fear that it will be flown into a building? Or travel in a car, since 1000s of people die everyday in car accidents? Where is a truly "safe" place, except living in a yert?
 

Projill

New member
I'm a pretty good example of a sentient thinking person who has graduated from public schooling. I might be dense, but I'm not dumb. :D

Becky, I can hear you on the fear. I have a lot of family in Colorado...they could have easily wound up at Columbine.

On a happier note, I have a very good friend now (who is currently obsessed with "Lord of the Rings") who went to Columbine and was there the day of the shootings. I'm happy that he wasn't hurt. He's a very very sweet guy.
 

Prisca

Pain Killer
Super Moderator
beanieboy

beanieboy

You said, “With all due respect, do you no longer go to the post office, because of Post Office violence?”

Well, I don’t work at one, that’s for sure. LOL.

The point is that we made and lived with a difficult decision that eventually spared our family immense tragedy. As I mentioned, school violence was only one of the reasons we took our kids out of school.

Even though I had fears concerning school violence, I realized that the chances of something actually happening were quite remote. But how thankful I now am that we held up against all the pressure we were under from well meaning friends and relatives.
 

Prisca

Pain Killer
Super Moderator
Nineveh,

Nineveh,

As far as the socialization skill are concerned, I must tell you that my two youngest children, the ones who spent the least time in public schools, are much more comfortable around other people than my two older children. They are far less shy than my older girls and they have lots of friends around the neighborhood. (Our house has become “the place to be” for many of the neighborhood children.) It could just be personality type - we may never know for sure.

When we first started homeschooling, we really didn’t know where to start. My husband knew someone from work whose wife was homeschooling their children, so we met with her. She lent us a pile of books and introduced us to a local homeschool newsletter called CHEC (Christian Home Educators of Colorado) http://www.chec.org/cgi-bin/chec.pl?/index.xml

From the newsletter, I learned of a certified teacher who did homeschool consultations. We met with her and she gave us lots of advice to get us started. Although we took a lot of her advice, we eventually developed our own style that fits well with our schedule.

We have settled into a comfortable routine using mostly A Beka books. We also use Saxon Math and some Modern Curriculum Press. If you want specifics, let me know.

One system we have also used is the Switched on School House computer program from Alpha Omega. When we first tried this, it was a brand new program and there were things that I didn’t like about it. I have since heard that the system has been greatly improved. One of my nephews and two of my nieces are currently using this system and they are all doing very well. It automatically plans all of the lessons for you and is self grading.

Well, that’s a beginning anyway. There is so much I could tell you, but just to get you started, you might want to check out this little quiz: http://www.geocities.com/Athens/Academy/6823/Test1234.htm

I took this quiz last fall after having already homeschooled for eight years and I found that the results matched quite well with our style of homeschooling. Perhaps it will give you some insight as to what would work best for you and your family. In the meantime, here are some links to helpful resources:

http://www.abeka.com/
http://www.home-schooling.com/flash.html
http://mcschool.com/
http://saxonmath.com/
 

Prisca

Pain Killer
Super Moderator
Projill,

Projill,

I, too, graduated from a public school as well as a public university. I know first hand what it is like to receive this kind of education. When I reflect on my own personal experience with the public school system, I am more thankful than ever that my children are no longer a part of it. ;)
 

Nathon Detroit

LIFETIME MEMBER
LIFETIME MEMBER
My wife and I homeschool 3 of our 5 children. We have a 3 year old who thinks she is in school as well! We also have a 2 month old who will someday attend school in our house.

Many of the people I discuss homeschooling with raise the “social skills issue” and I want to comment on that. More specifically… when you inform someone that you homeschool your children they often say… “what about their social skills”? What they are actually asking is, how are homeschool kids going to learn to interact with other children if they are not around other children all day long. I think that is a fair question, but I also feel that homeschooling offers a fantastic answer!

I feel that social skills are exactly that… SKILLS!

A skill is something you are taught. And if taught properly you become proficient at that skill.

Think of math skills.

Ask yourself… what is the best way for your children to attain a skill in math? Should you have a teacher teach your children math? Or should you let your children learn their math skills by hanging around other children and hoping that they “pick up” proper math skills?

Of course the answer is you should have a teacher teach your children math skills. Because simply hoping that your children will develop proper math skills by hanging around other children would likely end up in TOTAL failure.

Likewise, if you are counting on your children learning proper social skills by hanging around other children whom you know very little about will only result in your children learning their social skills from other children, that likely have no social skills or worse yet BAD social skills!

How are your children going to become proficient at social skills if they are being taught by other children?

We teach our children at home how to treat others, how to talk to others and how to respect others, and when they use these social skills they are more prepared to interact with others in a intelligent and respectful way.

Furthermore…
Our homeschooled children get plenty of interaction with other children through their sporting activities, other activities, and all of their neighborhood friends. This type of interaction is more limited and less likely results in our children learning bad social skills from their public school friends.

As a hockey coach I am around alot of kids, and I can tell you that most public school kids are indeed learning social skills at school… unfortunately they are learning BAD social skills!
 

Nathon Detroit

LIFETIME MEMBER
LIFETIME MEMBER
beanieboy said:
What are the disadvantages of homeschool?
Homeschooling is somewhat time consuming and you must be dedicated and patient.

There is no doubt that homeschooling has its trials and tribulations.
 

Prisca

Pain Killer
Super Moderator
Knight,

Knight,

You said, "A skill is something you are taught. And if taught properly you become proficient at that skill.

Very well said!

As I mentioned in my original article, while my oldest daughter was attending public school, I began to have daily confrontations with her. There was, and is, a lax attitude toward respect that runs rampant through public-school classrooms. However, the school atmosphere was not solely responsible for her attitude - I too, was to blame. I was a product of my own public-education. As a psych-minor, I took a very humanistic approach to childrearing. I was not very good at commanding respect or setting reasonable boundaries.

Once I began to homeschool, the authority structure changed. My daughter began to look to me for more structure. I learned that when I demanded respect, my daughter became more respectful. As I set safe boundaries, she began to feel more secure. We grew closer by the day. As with the Columbine shooting, am exceedingly thankful that my daughter was saved from the destructive social aspects of public schooling.

Recently, a cousin of mine began to voice familiar concerns about her daughter. She complained that her daughter was becoming disrespectful and that the two of them were fighting constantly. My cousin, who has a MA in psychology from the same university I graduated from, will sadly be faced with a different outcome. She pushed my advice aside, insisting she could never homeschool her own children. It makes me sad to think that she may never have the close bond with her girls (she has two) that I now have with my four kids. Parents have been led to think that they are not competent enough to educate their own children – even as they watch them fall apart before their very own eyes.:cry:

In Christ,
Becky
 

Prisca

Pain Killer
Super Moderator
beanieboy,

beanieboy,

You said, “What are the disadvantages of homeschool?”

Well, all of what Knight said was true. But also; sometimes you worry that you are not doing a good enough job, sometimes you worry that you are getting a little behind, sometimes you worry that you could be using a better curriculum.

Fortunately, we test our kids every odd year with tests like the ITBS (Iowa Test of Basic Skills). I also test them every six months using a computer assessment test. From these tests, we can see where our kids rank compared with other kids. The results of these test usually put our minds at ease. (Keep in mind, I did say usually.) But here’s the difference, if our child is having trouble, say in math, we are in control.

Two years ago, my youngest daughter tested poorly in math. She had been using the Modern Curriculum Press math program at that time. I got some good advice and immediately switched to Saxon Math. Now, math is one of her strongest subjects. Had she been in public school, I would not have had that option.

PS. We still use Modern Curriculum Press for spelling. The math program just wasn’t right for us.:down:
 
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