You asked, and I will give you the truth.
One day, George Bush was sacrificing goats to Kali, when some aliens visited him. They told him that he must make more money for his oil company, because they were evil aliens, and they liked oil companies; because they're evil too. They told him that he should kill a lot of Americans to enable him to start all kinds of wars for oil, but still charge a lot for oil. They told him to enlist the help of the most evil and diabolical group of human geniuses around; Jews. The Mossad will help, they told him. George was excited; a chance to kill Americans, make money for oil, and blame the Jews, all in one shot! Then he could kill more Americans with all the wars for oil, but not actually take any oil, so prices would stay high. This was a diabolical plan indeed. He consulted Cheney, and Cheney agreed only after the devil agreed to give him a penthouse in hell in exchange for all the carnage they would unleash.
So they decided to have planes fly around into stuff. The aliens provided technology that would allow the communists to put little bombs on each floor of the WTC buildings, but they would be so powerful that when they asplode, it will blow up the building and send stuff flying all over the city. But neither the Jews, nor the Americans, nor the aliens trusted Arabs to be able to pilot a plane into something as small as the Pentagon, so they launched a cruise missile at it. The aliens agreed to abduct Flight 93 in mid air and dropped an empty UFO into Pennsylvania. Evidence still needed to be planted, but that's ok. There are Jews and communists everywhere that can do that. So passports, personal effects, and other evidence pointing to a Muslim operation were planted. Bin Laden heard about this over his satellite phone and was angry. He knows that there is no way a group of Muslims would ever want to hurt Americans. Zawahiri was happy though, because he knew that 19 Muslims would be incapable of foiling American intelligence, and this would give them credit. Bin Laden finally came around and they all enjoyed a hearty laugh with George, Dick, and the devil over a Thanksgiving dinner later that year.
That's what happened. Honest.
