It has been awhile since I visited this site. I will not go into the reason for that but I would like to respond to some of you.
Aethril, First I would say to you that I am sorry for what you have been through with your mother. Childhood is so difficult as it is and when one or both of our parents torture or abuse us it really takes a toll. I know from my own experience with an abusive alcoholic dad. I won't go into detail, just understand that my childhood was hell on earth. Fortunately for me, my dad has actually grown up and become a responsible adult. Too bad it took him until he was in his forties. I have spent years, no decades, working through forgiving my dad. I still have to revisit that issue from time to time.
I think maybe I need to clarify what I mean by forgiveness. You see, a lot of people think that by forgiving someone that eliminates the offenders responsibility for said offense. However, I do not see it that way at all. Example: when I forgave my ex-wife for leaving me and hooking up with another man it did not erase the consequences of her actions. Although, I forgave her and I did not seek revenge, she still paid a price. Your mother, Aethril, also paid a price and I gather from your post, she is still paying a price as your sister has cut off all contact with her. I cannot blame your sister and I would even go so far as to say that your sister is not necessarily acting in unforgiveness. She is merely protecting herself from someone who has repeatedly hurt her deeply throughout her life. That is not unforgiveness, it is common sense.
I apologize for not making myself clear on this thread. When I suggested that the rape victim forgive the rapist, I certainly did not mean to imply that the rapist should be let off the hook. Whether he repents or not, he should pay the price for his crime. Rape is no small matter and should not be dealt with lightly. You see, my first wife who left me for another man was raped as a young child by her own step-father. When I received forgiveness from the Lord, Jesus Christ, one thing that made it easier for me to forgive her was the fact that she was so broken due to what had happened to her in childhood. And my abusive father? Well, you see, he was abused by his father and in ignorance tried to raise me with an iron fist because that was all he knew. Does that make what he did to me alright? Oh, hell no! Does the childhood rape of my first wife make it ok for her to leave me for another man and break the marriage vows that I took so seriously? Again, hell no! Those things are not alright and neither is rape or abortion. But if these things are punishable by death, let's think about that. A girl is raped at age 10. She grows up and marries but has never really dealt with the pain in her heart that has been there since age 10. After she marries the pain comes to the surface. She is only 21 yrs old and has no idea how to cope with this unbearable pain. In her pain and confusion, she finds herself in the arms of a man who is not her husband. When her husband (me) finds out, should he kill her? Afterall, it is punishable by death according to the OT. Would being killed make her feel better? Would killing her make him feel better? What about the child she has with said husband? Would his life be positively affected by his father killing his mother? Actually, my first wife and I are friends today. We have a friendship that is hard to define but she, my son and I are all better off because I chose to forgive her. She has had a lot of pain in her life. I have had a lot of pain in my life. She caused a great deal of that pain as did my own dad. I realized a long time ago that I had a choice. I could hold a grudge and choose not to forgive those who wronged me or I could forgive them and get on with my life. I chose the latter. Had I chosen the former, I would now be a bitter old man. Or maybe I would be dead from the added stress. I believe that I have every right to hold unforgiveness toward them. They hurt me deeply. I was an innocent child when my dad tortured me with his verbal and physical beatings. But, if I chose to hold that against him for the rest of my life, my life would be spent rehearsing those beatings and daring anyone else to offend me. I choose not to live that way.
Aethril, you say that God has not exacted revenge on your mother but I would disagree. I do not believe that your mother has gotten off scott free. All the things you say she has done are indicators that she is a very unhappy person. She does not have peace. A person who has peace does not spend their life inflicting pain on others. A person who spends his / her life inflicting pain on others is almost always very miserable. That my friend is just one example of how one's sin may be forgiven but consequences (vengeance) continue to reek havoc in their life.
