You should talk to the women on the forum, including serpentdoveMy name is Alaya, and I'm new to TOL. Hi.
I'm born again 15 yrs, and married five to an ungodly spouse who has separated from me, almost the whole of our married life. I would appreciate others who are going through the same heartache. Thank you.
My name is Alaya, and I'm new to TOL. Hi.
I'm born again 15 yrs, and married five to an ungodly spouse who has separated from me, almost the whole of our married life. I would appreciate others who are going through the same heartache. Thank you.
Welcome to TOL. While it won't be a popular answer, my advice to you is to go on with your life. It's better to be permanently separated and enjoy your life as compared to staying in a relationship where your husband has turned his back on your with his abandonment.
^
You can always count on Rusha to tell you to just divorce. She likes divorce, so long as it's the women doing it
But
You're supposed to respect one's vows and let God take control.
Hi Alaya,
Welcome to TOL.
So sorry to hear you are going through a rough time.
It can be emotionally devastating.
You can't make his choices for him, so you need to take care of yourself.
If the emotions of the situation are overwhelming you, get yourself to a doctor for a little help to keep you stable until you have a firmer grip to deal with your trauma.
You have got to keep yourself stable or you won't be any good to anyone, especially to yourself.
Things can get very ugly when a marriage falls apart.
So take care of yourself.
Hi Alaya,
Welcome to TOL.
So sorry to hear you are going through a rough time.
It can be emotionally devastating.
You can't make his choices for him, so you need to take care of yourself.
If the emotions of the situation are overwhelming you, get yourself to a doctor for a little help to keep you stable until you have a firmer grip to deal with your trauma.
You have got to keep yourself stable or you won't be any good to anyone, especially to yourself.
Things can get very ugly when a marriage falls apart.
So take care of yourself.
My husband and myself are the same age. He's lived at the home he was born in for 50 yrs. We each had never married, and I was a born again when we met. He wasn't. He'd been searching the Christain God, (true God) for years, and I was attracted to this, after avoiding him three times in an interim time of 9 mths. I was a relatively new Christian of 4 yrs, baptised and was healed of kidney failure after 8 yrs. I'd also been selibately single in all that time. My husband eventually confessed his belief in Christ one year before we married, but refused to be baptised. Our wedding was beautiful, in church, bells etc, with 50 guests, around 40 of them believers, and God appointed the best man, because my husband's friend refused, for unknown reasons to me, but I took it in Faith, that God decided rightly on who it should be, and my husband was thrilled. There is a mysterious spiritual bondage that has held my husband back from true belief. It takes him backwards, at every positive step he takes, and He makes logical excuses for it. But it's hideous, and so, so tangible when he gets depressed, which he often does. God has given me many, many words of wisdom, and also know that my husband's eternal Slavic security is at stake. I'm therefore being obedient to stand in the gap, for his breakthrough, especially his soul, and everything else after.
Thank you. Yes, I was a little dampened in my spirit with that advice, from Rusha,
I'm born again 15 yrs, and married five to an ungodly spouse who has separated from me, almost the whole of our married life".
Thank you for your opinion, but you've only read what I've allowed myself to write. My what I meant, was that once married, and for very personal issues of his own, he showed no interest on staying with God. He had a selfish ambitious agenda, and it became such an Idol, he got caught up in depression, and left me 11 times in our first yr of marriage. I'm not saying I was unwise, because I was so emotional, and broken at his weakness to care for me before his own issues, and wants to be seen to be a musician, with lot's of money etc...I had cancer whilst He had left me, and after my operation, he left me to deal with it on my own. I lost my bladder, womb, overt, and had a reconstruction done to my private area. I love my husband very, very much, but he has an unreachable, stubborn, attitude towards life. Only God knows why my husband is so deeply bound inside himself, easily offended, and paranoid at every one who claims they know the truth of God or Scripture. It's the saddest thing I've had to witness, in all my life, appart from losing my eldest son last October to alcoholism. He was 34. My husband couldn't even be there for me at such a terrible time.
Thank you for your opinion, but you've only read what I've allowed myself to write. What I meant was, that once married, and for very personal issues of his own, he showed no interest on staying with God. He had a selfish ambitious agenda, and it became such an Idol, he got caught up in depression, and left me 11 times in our first yr of marriage. I'm not saying I was always wise, because I was so emotional, and broken at his weakness to care for me before his own issues, and wants to be seen to be a musician, with lot's of money etc...I had cancer whilst He had left me, and after my operation, he left me to deal with it on my own. I lost my bladder, womb, overy, and had a reconstruction done to my private area. I love my husband very, very much, but he has an unreachable, stubborn, attitude towards life. Only God knows why my husband is so deeply bound inside himself, easily offended, and paranoid at every one who claims they know the truth of God or Scripture. It's the saddest thing I've had to witness, in all my life, appart from losing my eldest son last October to alcoholism. He was 34. My husband couldn't even be there for me at such a terrible time.
Great I am also blessed by thatHello Alaya,
I'm sorry you've been through a hard time. I think the best advice i ever had is this, if someone doesn't want to know, you just live out. Be kind and caring and be there for them, show them Christ in you. Just give them bits about God now and again. Not too much, because if you say to much you can turn them away. My husband didn't know God, and i lived it out in front of him, and I spoke little bits every now and again, I never pressured him never pushed God on to him. We have to have a willing heart, God doesn't want us be forced to love him, he wants us to give him our heart willingly, so I loved my husband and cared for him and brought God in now and again. He ended up reading with me and then came to our house meeting, and he came to God himself willingly. But he does have a soft heart, I know others who have done this, and they won their husbands over by bringing Christ to them.
I don't know you're life, but there's being soft and caring and there's being a walk over. Don't let him walk over you, don't run crying and falling over him, some people who are harder will just keep you hanging on a string when you are soft and you do that, its happened to me and I got wise. You need the right balance. And God is a wonderful father, go to him as I'm sure you have and ask him for strength from your heart and maybe try a different approach. Your marriage is worth hanging on to and there's also love there which is great. Just don't drown him.
When we plant a anything in a garden, and it is young, we water it slowly bit by bit until it grows. Then once it's established it can take lots of water. This is like people with God. It sometimes takes time, but living it out when someone doesn't want to know and just speaking now and again, in my opinion is the best way to go. If he carries on and truly doesn't want to know, then there not much else you can do.
I know he's not your enemy but i like this proverb, and think of it when I'm going through a challenging time
Proverbs 25: 21-22
If thine enemy be hungry, give him bread to eat; and if he be thirsty, give him water to drink:
For thou shalt heap coals of fire upon his head, and the LORD shall reward thee.
And there's also this
1 Corinthians 7
And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him.
For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy.
But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace.
For what knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt save thy husband? or how knowest thou, O man, whether thou shalt save thy wife?
I hope it works out Alaya, keep your faith and trust in God
God bless, Mary