Hi Mr. Deets,
Just to let you know, a question you asked sparked a desire in me to find as many answers as possible. The question was; "IF god were real, why would he spend so much time in white America answering the minutia of prayer he receives while leaving so many millions to starve to death or watch their children starve?" Great question. Thanks for inspiring me.
I have collected 12 different biblical answers and am cataloguing and expanding them now. You can see them on TOL - I started a thread called God and Evil.
You have probably heard them all before and they are no longer convincing for you. Not so for me; I think they are wonderful answers and they make perfect sense from a Paradise Lost point of view.
For what it is worth, I am convinced we will see each other in the new heaven/earth and that your name is written in the Lamb's book of life. I am not an expert but I suspect your present difficulty is not with God but with not coming to grips with the sinfulness of good people. Even though we are Christians and have had the sin problem dealt with once and for all, we are still sinners and wrestle with that every day. If we had reached perfection we would all agree on every point of doctrine - ha, what a joke that is!
I count myself fortunate that I am able to let it go. What if God, in teaching us humility, saves us all the same way, but allows our still damaged minds and heart to be exercised with peculiar vanities that will only be expunged upon leaving this world? Let Aunt Martha have her holy water if it comforts her; we do not have to agree.
God takes complete responsibility for the starving, the dying, the millions we should be helping but don't. Some do partner with God in helping them in their small way and will receive a greater weight of glory; but most don't. Your problem is with these imperfect people - not with God.
God bless.
George